keyon

I had the incredible privilege of teaching second grade at Baltimore Christian School in East Baltimore City for three and a half years almost a decade ago. This was one of the most life-changing and perspective shifting times in my life. I adored my students. I loved them so deeply and felt so honored to be a small part of their lives.

I had a student my second year of teaching whose name was Keyon. Keyon was quiet, kind, and emotional. There was a heaviness to him that is difficult to describe but when he smiled he lit up a room. We were buds. There were days that I felt all the feels with him, even when I didn’t know why he was so down.

One day we were out on the playground and he got so angry to the point of needing to be taken inside and away from the situation. I can’t remember the details of what triggered his anger in the moment, but I will never forget what happened when we went inside. We walked to the classroom and sat for a long time in silence. I just sat beside him and allowed him time to cool down.

Finally, I asked Keyon if there was anything he wanted to talk to me about. I told him that it is completely acceptable to feel angry and that God actually created our emotions that we often feel. I gave him permission to feel what he needed to feel. I went on to say that it is what we do with our anger that matters. I told him that God can handle it. That he can ask God to be with him in those places. After I talked for probably too long, Keyon looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said, “I miss my dad.” He went on to tell me that his dad was a truck driver and he hadn’t seen him in a very long time. I listened to him process where the anger he was taking out on a fellow student was really coming from deep down inside.

I listened for awhile and then we sat for awhile. Eventually, I explained to Keyon that I was sad with him that he hadn’t seen his dad in a long time. I told him that he has a Heavenly Father who loves him so much and who is always with him. I told him that I knew this was really hard and I was sorry. I asked him if we could pray that he could see his dad soon and that they could have time together. I remember thinking to myself, this likely won’t happen. I had no idea if there was more to the story and I definitely didn’t know if Keyon’s dad would show up (ever).

The very next morning, we were in the middle of a lesson when I heard a knock on the door. I went to the door and there was a strange man standing there. I stepped outside and asked how I could help him. He said that he was here to see his son. I asked him who his son was and he said, Keyon. My heart began to race and I was over the moon at how God answered our prayers. I responded with the biggest smile on my face and tears in my eyes (he may have thought I was crazy) and said I would have Keyon come in the hallyway. I opened the classroom door and asked Keyon to come out. I wanted to say to his dad, take him out to lunch, go have some time with him. Instead, Keyon’s dad embraced his son, told him he loved him and said he just wanted to stop by before he headed back out of town.

When Keyon came back into the classroom, the two of us looked at each other with tears streaming down our faces. We were both thinking the same thing. Wow! God answered our prayer. It was a moment in time for me to witness how big our God is and what He is capable of when we ask.

You might be wondering why I am sharing this story. I have felt all the emotions over the last month or so, one being anger. I am unfamiliar with this emotion as it is not one that I feel very often. It has been hard at times to allow myself to really feel it. But, God reminded me of Keyon today and this story of his anger that was real and deep and completely acceptable. I am recalling what I said to Keyon all those years ago about how it is OK to feel angry and how he needed permission to feel it fully. I also remember sharing with him that our response to our anger matters. Anger is real and we do feel it and we should feel it. But, in those places, we must know and trust that God is with us and that he cares. God answered our prayers for Keyon immediately. While I know that it didn’t take Keyon’s anger away fully over his dad, it did show him that God is real, is with him, for him and wants to be a part of his healing. I know that if I am willing to ask God, to share these more difficult places of my heart with him, that he will answer my prayers too. Maybe not in the same way he did for Keyon, but in His perfect way and His perfect timing.

It is a choice to not stay in our emotions and to not let our emotions get the best of us. But, it is also a choice to allow our emotions to draw us nearer to the only One who can sit with us, who can handle it, and who will respond when we ask for his help.

I am asking for His help. I am asking for Him to be near. I am asking that He would heal the places in my heart that need healing. If you find yourself feeling important emotions about a circumstance or situation in your life that is hard to understand, would you join me in giving yourselves permission to feel what you need to feel and also surrender them to the Lord, trusting that it is part of our process of becoming more like Christ.

Another in the Fire– Hillsong

We are not alone. He is standing in the fire with us. I hope this song will bring you comfort and hope and freedom today.